Today makes the start of world breastfeeding month!! I know that not everyone is able to breastfeed their babies, so I feel very fortunate to have been able to breastfeed my sweet baby girl for 8 months, and still going strong!
Starting out in the hospital was not so easy. I knew that breastfeeding is a learned skill for mom and baby, and what's natural is not always EASY. I had read the books and taken the classes, but was still scared it wouldn't work out. I knew I wanted to breastfeed. I've read so many stories of mamas struggling, and my heart goes out to them. Many of the breastfeeding forums are filled with mamas looking for support, which is wonderful and EXACTLY what those forums are for. I've also been scared shitless by these forums and articles I read obsessively during my pregnancy and the early breastfeeding days! I just knew that a crying baby, bleeding nipples, sleepless nights, days spent with my boobs out, painful bites, and clogged ducts loomed in my gloomy breastfeeding future!
This has compelled my to write a happy breastfeeding story.
I was so scared about breastfeeding in the beginning. Many people had told me how they had tried and for various reasons were not able to breastfeed, or that it had been a hard journey for them. Again, this is a real struggle for a lot of women and my heart goes out to them. Starting out, I knew more people who had little success than I did people who had great success. I also didn't have many moms in my life who had a positive breastfeeding experience, even if they were able to breastfeed for a year or longer. It is a task and a sacrifice for many. The Lactation Consultant who taught my class was also not so awesome. A mom I know referred to LC's as "breastfeeding nazis" who will make you feel awful if you "aren't trying hard enough." I was set up for success, right? Wrong.
In the hospital after my daughter was born, it was tricky but I was determined. Pretty much every nurse who kindly tried to help me get a proper latch and help my sleepy newborn stay awake long enough for a feeding had different advice and tricks. At one point I believed I had to continually hold my boob up for my daughter while she was nursing. My boobs were smooshed, my nipples messed with, and everyone saw me topless! I sent visitors out of the room as I cried through trying to feed my fussy girl who was only hours old. She would not stay latched and would fall asleep minutes into feedings (if she woke up for them). The resident old man pediatrician told me to thump my one day old baby on the foot nice and hard to wake her up for feedings. He said "don't worry, she will cry for a minute than calm right down when you start nursing." Well, not knowing any better, I tried this. As you can imagine, it was a disaster. We both cried and she didn't eat. Finally, we kicked everyone out and had a nice long visit with the Lactation Consultant. She was so patient, very encouraging, gave me lots of positive feedback, and my daughter and I got it figured out. She assured me that everything that had happened was normal. And it was! My baby and I learned together. And the Lactation Consultant made sure that pediatrician never told another mom to thump her baby's foot!
We have had our bumps along the road. I had a major dip in supply after getting my period back only 12 post partum. I was in tears and knew our breast feeding journey was over just 3 months in. It wasn't. I called the Lacation Consultant (whose number is in my phone) and my OB nurse. With work and patience, my supply increased without having to supplement. I've had painful sores on my nipple and blood when I pumped. Those have healed as well. Now, my daughter is a squirmy 8 month old, has 4 teeth and is eating solids regularly, so more changes. But we are working through them. Overall, we have a wonderful breastfeeding relationship and I want to continue breastfeeding! I'm in love with it.
I have many pregnant and newly married friends right now who are in the same boat as I was: scared of breastfeeding and full of sad and scary stories from other mommies who have had a hard time of it. I told my friend that I fear a dip in my supply or problems breastfeeding because I love it so much. She said she had never heard anyone say that they actually LIKE, let alone LOVE breastfeeding their babies. And I get it, it's a challenge and a sacrifice and many moms are counting down the months until their milestone stop date. I'm not in that boat but I sympathize for them and don't judge them. Breastfeeding is different for everyone.
My OB nurse had some wise words for her when I expressed my concerns one day. She said we are not in a culture of breastfeeding. Our society is not set up to feed babies on-demand rather than on schedules. You don't see women openly breastfeeding everywhere, women are expected to nurse in secret most often. This is not a breastfeeding-positive society. Many women go into breastfeeding with fear and believe, or are told ,it's the end of the road for them when problems arise. In our body-shaming culture, there are women who aren't comfortable with their own bodies or the level of intimacy of breastfeeding. Mainstream parenting often involves sleep training, early introduction of solids (before 6 months), schedules, and fear of spoiling a baby by holding them - all of which work to diminish a mom's milk supply.
Our culture shames mothers for not breastfeeding or shames them for not breastfeeding by the right rules.
Not every mom may love breastfeeding the way I do. When I believe in something, I become passionate about it, I become an advocate. That's just how I am. I'm lucky enough to have had a very positive breastfeeding journey so far, and I decided to say a big screw you to society's beliefs about how I should be raising my baby. We do what we love and what makes us happy. Even though I get a bitten nipple every now and then, I've had to pump full time, and I still get up with my baby 2-4 times a night, I believe in what I'm doing and I've chosen to embrace it. I've also chosen to support other mamas. I'm that creepy woman giving a wink or a thumbs up to the mama nursing in public (if I'm not outright walking over to her and thanking her). A lot of moms have appreciated this, and we've had an awesome dialog about breastfeeding. Other moms, as you can imagine, think I'm a creeper. Whatevs, you never know who may need a little support now and then.
What I've learned is: Get support. Don't quit on a bad day. Embrace the struggles. Our babies and our bodies are human and there will be hard times. Support others.
And as long as you are feeding your baby, no matter how you end up feeding your baby, you are doing a good job.
I believe in breastfeeding and I advocate for it.
But even more so, I advocate FEEDING ALL THE BABIES!!
Kelly Mom
La Leche League
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